Howdy Party People,
The other night I found myself in a space that does me more harm than good, that would be me watching other artist perform while I sit back here in the studio and wish I could be more like them by being more like me. I have projects that I’m working on, some for stand up, some for film, and even a writing project. I’m super excited for all of those things but every now and then I see something that has so much heart in it, it makes me doubt how much of me that I’m putting into my work. This is a good thing mind you, one of the things I wished hadn’t taken so long for me to accept was to let myself be entertained as well as be inspired by others works.
I thinks that’s a good thing. It’s the stand-up equivalent of seeing a comic so good that it makes you question if you should even be a comic. I live for those night nowadays. I think no matter in what medium you create in, the more proficient you become, the less you have those “Oh Wow” moments.
I was scrolling through Instagram and I came upon a band called The Pillow Queens. They’re an alt band from Ireland I think. If you’re a fan of melodies and a crunchy guitar beat then I think you’d dig them. I was listening to their first album and I was really appreciating the heart they put into their music. Years ago I wrote a few songs, nothing great but at least I can say I wrote a few. I never kept up with music as at the time I was also learning how to be a comic. I felt music was way more personal and to be honest, even though the songs were basic, they hurt a lot to write. I also didn’t want to bring music into my stand-up seeing as how most music act in that medium are met with two scoops of snarky side-eye.
So I had left that part of me behind for years. Any hope for being the best singer/songwriter I could be would have to wait, perhaps in the next life. Obviously that kind of thinking doesn’t serve me in this current body. Do any of you all ever get tired of letting past events or trauma dictate your current life? The more I think about tithe madder I get. Was I meant to have this mental roadblocks? Why? Then again I wonder who I would be if I had no fear, there’s no promise that I would have been a better human being. Perhaps I’d be just another ego maniac…who could carry a tune if need be.
All I know is that I’ve yet to be the most me I could be, this has to change.