I’m sitting back again in my studio listening to the cars outside head to their jobs. In those cars are people who seemingly want to be taken to where those cars are heading. I toss a casual ear outside and wonder what it’s like to be them, I was them for a time anyways.
Once again I’ve come back from another neck surgury, another operation where they opened me up and took out another tumor. This tumor like all the others starts with a small pain, then builds and build until I can’t walk, sit or talk. I even found myself not wanting to watch any comedies as even laughing was something I had been avoiding.
So now what? I’ve been here before. There’s what I want to do and what I can do.
What I can do it to take the time I have before this tumor comes back and work to eat a better diet. Luck for me I had already started before I had to get another oporation. This time I can add walking back into the routing as soon as I get my legs back.. No matter what I’m able to do, it’s never enough. I know that sounds crazy to some poeple but it’s what I feel in my heart.
My Uncle Angel said in a post that I have my father’s strength and my mom’s stubborness . That’s a nice way of saying don’t give up, which I appreciate. I’m just getting tired of laying on that slap with a gas mask over me wondering if I’ll be the same person when I wake up. I still have so many things to do before my time is up, I just can’t get them all done by tomorrow, that’s life, that’s patients , that’s what’s so annoying about it all. My friend Jo from back in the day warned us all about the peril of instant gratification. How it will rob us of the splendor that comes with each day. That’s easy to forgot when you think you have an unlimited number of days left, not it seems more of a focus concept to me.
I don’t have a point to this post, just typing away hoping that something inspires me….maybe I should drink the coffee I had started before I started writing….yep all better.